Elephant Jokes

Q: How can you put two elephants in a Volkswagon?
A: One in the front seat, one in the back seat.

Q: How can you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: Look for footprints in the butter.

Q: How can you put four elephants in a Volkswagon?
A: Two in the front seat, two in the back seat.

Q: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: Look for a Volkswagon in the driveway.

Q: Why do elephants like to ride in VW Beetles?
A: It also has a trunk in the front..

Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe inside, close the door.

Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of root beer, and an elephant.

Q: Why did the elephant wear dark sunglasses?
A: So he wouldn't be recognized.

Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephant came up over the hill?
A: Nothing. He didn't recognize the elephant because he was wearing dark sunglasses.

Q: What is the difference between a plum and an elephant?
A: A plum is purple.

Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming up over the hill?
A: Look, the plums are coming!  (Jane was colorblind.)

Q: What did the cat say to the elephant?
A: Meow.

Q: Why do elephants never forget?
A: Because nobody ever tells them anything!

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a flea?
A: An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Because the chicken didn't make it.

Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.

Q: Why do elephants take showers?
A: Because they can't fit in the tub.

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails green?
A: So he could hide in a tree.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
A: It worked, didn't it!

Q: How do elephants get up into the trees, anyway?
A: They parachute from airplanes.

Q: What kind of airplanes do elephants parachute from??
A: Dumbo jets.

Q: Why is it dangerous to walk through the jungle in the evening?
A: Because that is when the elephants are parachuting out of the airplanes.

Q: Why are elephants such bad dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.

Q: Why don't elephants use computers?
A: Because they are afraid of the mosue.

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and an eggplant?
A: If you don't know, then I'm never asking you to get me any eggplant!

Q: What did the banana say to the elephant?
A: Nothing. Bananas can't talk.

Q: What should you do to a blue elephant?
A: Tell it funny jokes.

Q: Where do you find elephants?
A: That depends on where you lost them.

Q: What do elephants have that no other animals have?
A: Baby elephants.

Q: What’s the best way to raise a baby elephant?
A: With a forklift.

Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: One scoop of ice cream, root beer, and an elephant.

Q: What do you do with a green elephant?
A: Let it ripen.

Q: How is an elephant like a banana?
A: They're both gray. Except for the banana.

Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Because it takes too long to iron them.

Q: What's the best thing to do if an elephant sneezes?
A: Get out of the way!

Q: Why are elephants gray?
A: So you can tell them apart from blueberries.

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant with pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q: Why don't more elephants go to college?
A: Because not many of them finish high school.

Q: What is the same shape and size as an elephant, but weighs nothing?
A: An elephant's shadow.

Q: Where are elephants usually found?
A: They are so big they are hardly ever lost.

Q: What is big, gray, and blue?
A: An elephant holding its breath.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on an electric fence?
A: Time to get a new elephant.

Q: What's big, gray, and lives in Scotland?
A: The Lock Ness Elephant.

Q: Who started the elephant jokes?
A: That's what the elephants want to know.

Q: What goes down but never goes up?
A: An elephant in an elevator.

Q: What’s big and gray and has horns?
A: An elephant marching band.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

Q: What would you do if an elephant sat in front of you at a movie?
A: Miss most of the movie.

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a Zippo?
A: One's very heavy and the other's a little lighter.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said "Thanks" I said "Don't mention it"

Author Unknown